Again with the lonely. I feel like I keep calling people, and very few either a) call me back b) call me first or c) sound excited to be talking to me. Not to say a few don't, I DO have friends, I won't insult myself or others by saying I don't, but it's just one of those days where I feel like I don't have the kind of group of friends I did in high school. I've called Alexa numerous times and have never been called back and she's someone I desperately want to see and catch up with. I can't help but feel like she doesn't want to see me.

Enough about that, however. Things with Sam are...I don't know. I know I often make things difficult for him, I look for what's wrong and expect him to mess up. I say 'no' to things just to see if he'll repsect my decision, and I'm not the 'fun' girlfriend I used to be. And that's not good. So I've been trying to be better and I think it'll make a big difference in a lot of things. But other things, this just won't fix. It won't change the fact I have no desire to have sex right now in my life, much less with him. And after dating for close to two years, it's something a guy expects. Not that he's been pushing it, but I know he wants to, and I feel bad about witholding. BUT I also know that is not a good reason to have sex, so don't worry, my chastity belt is still in place.

It's frustrating not to feel passionate anymore. Part of me wonders if something physically is wrong with my sex drive (birth control, I know, can affect it) but the other part of me says I would feel passionate about someone else, were I to meet them/fall in love etc etc. We get along great (most of the time), we can have fun, he still brings me flowers every once and awhile, takes me out on dates, compliments me. But we just don't fit quite like we used to.

I don't know.

I feel alone today.

I'm going to go do yoga.