It's been a long while

So I went to Africa for 5 weeks. Changed me indescribably. Now I don't know what I want with Sam at all. I miss the place, the people, everything there. I didn't want to come home. I've only been home for about a week and it's just so....different. I miss my friends, but most everyone is out of town. I don't feel the same about Sam as wehn I left. I left in love and now....I don't know. I don't know what it is about that place, but the last time I went, I came back and broke up with him. I didn't even miss him while I was gone.

I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but now I"m not okay with that. I dont' feel passionate about him, and I'mnot okay giving up passion at 20. I'm sure after awhile I'll probably fall back to close to how it used to be, but I don't know....I know it could be so much more than it is, on my part. On his part, I am his world, his life, and his love. Which makes my decision that much harder. I'm trying nto to rush it, trying to just sit tight and see how it goes. Trying not to do anything rash. Trying.

This is quite the contrast with the last few posts of mine. But that's me, always changing.