So. Here I go again into my drama.
Friday night: drunk, said a lot of things I wouldn't have been able to say and needed to say, but ended up breaking up with Sam
Saturday morning: Hungover-ish and crying, feeling horrible about hurting him
Saturday afternoon/evening: Missing Sam like crazy, feeling I made a mistake, maybe breaking up isn't what I wanted to do, and yet all the things I said were/are still true
Sunday: I realize I can compromise. I was NOT ready to break up completely, otherwise, I would have done so when sober. However, there are problems that need to be worked on and I do need some time to myself. Still would like to date other people in my life before getting married, but there's no one but Sam right now. Still love him, and being apart and working on things, while still being friends and talking will hopefully strengthen us as individuals and our relationship. When/if it is right, we will move back into a romantic relationship. Till then, as he put it, we'll be "exclusive friends." Not seeing anyone else, not dating, but working on being friends and who we are, seperate and together.
This sounds RIGHT. Breaking up did not. Staying together did not.
Sometimes you have to let something go to appreciate how much it really is worth. I'm not saying this will fix everything, but it's a start. It's DOING something about the problems, not ignoring them, not pushing them away. I think I need to work on feeling more confident when it comes to being intimate. I need to work on letting him in, instead of pushing him away. And he needs to work on letting me be independent, and my own person, not someone he can be attached at the hip to.
