Strength

I fell in love. Probably more accurate is lust. But I don't care, I'm obsessed. Seriously. I met an Irish guy who grew up in Scotland, and has the most delicious accent. And my god, is he BEAUTIFUL.

And I sat next to him, on a tiny airplane for an hour from Seattle to Lewiston. After I'd been travelling for 34 hours and looked/smelled/felt like absolute grossness.

We talked the entire time, and yet I chickened out of asking him for his number. I did promise to show him around Moscow, and hang out with him, but that's a little hard to do if I can't FIND HIM.

He's going to LSCS for the next four years on a golf (I know, golf is lame, and boring, but hey, you know, whatever floats his boat) scholarship. He's 19, but its his first year of school.

Anyways, once the golf page at LSCS updates its roster, I can find out his last name and HOPE he has facebook or MySpace. If not....well...I guess I'm fucked. I told you, I'm obsessed.

Oh, and his name is James.


On to the other guy in my life, I need to end it. Completely. Do I have the willpower to do this? I don't think so. I'm not in love, I'm not in love, I'm not in love. But how do you tell someone that? After leading him on for the last month and a half, saying "we'll get back together, we will."

If I give myself a deadline to do it, I'll chicken out and then feel horrible about not doing it. I'll come up with excuses not to. I keep saying, MAYBE i'll feel diferently, MAYBE. Maybe ending it isn't right.

I'm a liar. I lie to myself.