Dating catastrophe!

I was taken out on a date tonight. With someone I would rather not have gone on a date with. I've known he liked me for about two months (he told me at a party, but I told him I didn't have feelings for him and we went on being good friends), and I kind of considered it when we were in Canada over break, usually while I was drinking :P but I was good and didn't do anything I would've regretted -- I don't even flirt; I'm very careful not to, even though I normally do with my guy friends that I'm comfortable around. Hopefully you know what I mean, there's the flirting you do with guys you like and the "flirting" you do with guys you're just friends with, which pretty much just means joking around with them, giving them hugs --> there isn't really a personal bubble that you don't cross into. Like today, I ran into my friend Paul, who I love and gave him a hug and bumped shoulders with him while we were joking around...those kinds of things. I just don't do that with Cody, because I don't want to give the wrong idea, and I've just never felt comfortable like that around him, though I do feel very comfortable talking to him.

The only time I even crossed into his personal bubble was when we were all extremely drunk, waiting for a taxi in downtown Banff, and it was, I'm guessing, about 0 degrees outside (it was 9 degrees during the day, so who knows how cold it got at night), and I huddled against him for warmth and then he carried me to my bed when I fell asleep on the couch. Which, I admit, just shows what a nice, sweet guy he is.

That's the thing. He's an amazing guy. Nice, smart, funny, tall, pretty cute. But I don't have ANY feelings for him whatsoever. I tried, in Canada, but I just couldn't conjure them up. PLUS the thought of opening myself up to a new boyfriend, in general, terrifies me, but I'd be willing to if I found someone I was head over heels for. But for someone I'm so so about, no way.

ANYWAYS, back to the story, he called yesterday while I was at work and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner tonight. I found myself saying yes before I even knew what I was doing. And for the next hour or so, I just felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to cry. I am feeling so overwhelmed with everything else, it's the last thing I need and the thought of hurting yet another guy ( I still can't deal with seeing Sam broken over me) just kills me.

So we went out to dinner. I offered to meet up, instead of him picking me up, but he said he'd pick me up. I didn't want to argue. I offered to split the cost of dinner. Again a no and I didn't feel like arguing. When he dropped me off, I pretty much ran out of his truck as fast as I could, while still being polite. No hug = no chance for trying to kiss me.

I feel like a coward for not just saying "we're just friends" but I couldn't bring myself to, unless he brought it up. It's not like we didn't have fun, I LOVE hanging out with him -- as a friend. So I guess I'll just wait until he either asks me out again, or asks me if I like him, and then I'll tell him the truth. I have to.