Unemployed

I have no job right now. It's such a weird feeling, not to have something to do, somewhere to be. Of course that will all change with the beginning of school in a week. But I just....sit around a lot. Either my friends aren't in town, or the ones that are, I'm not really close enough to to bum around town with. We're the kind of friends who only hang out in groups, or organized events, you know? Scott, one of my good friends who is here, I see a bit, but I'm starting to think he might like me, even though he's definitely still getting over his last girlfriend. I just...don't want to see another friendship ruined because of it. Granted, I've stayed close with many guys who have liked me, ie, Adam, Ian, Luke. Tyler used to be on that list, but he stopped talking to me about a month ago. But Cody and I stopped hanging out/talking as much when he realized I really didn't like him that way/I started seeing Sam again. I guess I'll just act like I don't notice anything with Scott, and hope that we just stay good friends.

Anyways, back to the job deal, I'll be starting a new job (still childcare) in September sometime, but I'm just not sure when yet. My old daycare is closing, and so I (and Cate) will be helping out one of the families that went there by watching their one-year old son all day, and possibly their 3-yr old when he's done with preschool for the day. We haven't worked out quite all the details, but I'm excited. Until I'm "employed" (aka professional babysitter) I'm low on money and I hate asking my parents to spot me. I know they will, and I know they won't mind, but I like to be as self-sufficient as I can. I like earning money myself, having a job, taking care of myself. But it's hard sometimes, to balance it all with going to school full-time, especially because school does come first. But, luckily, it comes first with my parents too.

My Dad and stepfamily leave Idaho in a week, and I've got to say, it's been amazing having them here this last month. Partly because it's free food, and something to fill my time, but mostly because I"m not used to having family nearby. The couple who is living in their house in Deary when they aren't there is amazing as well. They rescue horses and have at least 10 out there right now, so I've been able to go horseback riding regularly, and they've told me I'm welcome anytime, even when my parents aren't here, even when they themselves aren't home, which is a huge compliment. Dock, a cop in Lewiston, keeps telling me I'm his new little sister and to think of him as family. His fiance is fun and sweet as well. We all have a lot in common, so even though they are 18-20 years older than me, I feel comfortable with them. I think instead of taking yoga classes, at least while the weather is still good, I'll spend money on driving out to Deary to go riding as much as possible. I can't believe I wasn't even around horses for 3 whole years. I had repressed jsut how much I LOVE it.

Hm. That's all for now. Till later.....

The Rise and Fall of Summer 2008

This summer has been full of change, life-changing experiences and opportunities and endings and beginnings. I've hardly been in Moscow, and I hardly ever am in the summer, but even more so this summer than ever before. My 6 weeks away in Lagos changed me irrevocably. I am always missing that place and those people, and even if I were to go back, someday, somehow, it will never be the same as it was. It's like I left right when I was starting to build a home there. I was building friendships and settling in to my job, and then I just had to leave. If it hadn't have been for moving out of my apartment back in Moscow, I would have stayed until the middle of July. I wish I had spent more time there these last 2 years and I plan to make up for that when my parents move to Poland. I plan to take ever more advantage of the opportunites presented to me by their profession. No more 2-3 week trips because that's all I think I can fit in - I really want to KNOW Krakow, be immersed in it. I want to learn Russian, at least a little, before next summer. I could learn Polish, but I can get by there with Russian and it'll be more useful to me, because it is more widely used. I want to spend at least 6 weeks there next summer, if not more. I want to work at the consulate again.

I started reading stories of Peace Corps volunteers today and it made me want to try and do that someday. The only thing I worry about is being sent to somewhere really remote and having my body/health fail me, as it often seems to do. Maybe I'll marry someone who would join with me - that, to me, seems like it would be even more incredible, to be able to share that with your spouse.

I also spent in week in Boston with my aunt and my mom. That was amazing because I don't really have a sense of a close extended family like some people, and my aunt (who's only 3 years older than me) has always been the one I'm closest to, but in the past few years, we've hardly had any chances to really see each other and find out who we are - now that we are not longer childhood playmates. But we spent a week together, our own hotel room, hooking uo with my mom for part of the day, but mostly just exploring by ourselves. I hope I get to do something like taht with her every year.

And then I'm still learning about my relationships. With Sam, with friends. WHo I want to be, and who I want to be with nd around - those concepts are forever evolving. I no longer believe Sam is who I'll be with forever. But I also do not see an end for us anytime soon. We are happy, he's a part of me, he's family and until there is some strong reason that I should not be with him , like serious problems with our relationship, or someone else that I fall for, I don't see any reason to not continue being happy with him. But I just know I am not passionate enough about him to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to say "yes yes a thousand times yes" to the person who proposes to me, not "yeah, sure, okay." I just hope I do not have to end up breaking his heart again. That when the end to us comes, we both see the need for it. I hope.

And then there's my job. My job which I LOVE, which has fit me perfectly and made me so thankful. Chances are, 95% sure, that the daycare will no longer exist by the end of summer, due to changes within the family. I have a couple of ideas for jobs next year, none as good as the one I have now, but ones that I will be happy with. Hopefully the one I want most will pan out, which would be taking care of the 1 year old at the daycare right now, at his home, and doing some housework as well for the family. But I have to present my idea to the parents first, and see if that's even close to something they want. Otherwise, I'll start applying to other daycares in town.

3 more weeks of summer. Who knows what will happen.

Done, Done, Done

He isn't worth my time. Someone who can't find five minutes to return a phone call, or a text and say "Hey, we're cool." or to help me fill in the parts of the night I don't remember (which is freakin me out) is not someone I want to like. He should be a man and DEAL with me, and not ignore me. I just shouldn't like him.

So I'm working on stopping.

On a lighter, happier note, I started my new job today and I LOVE it. It's hard work, and exhausting, especially since I'm learning the routine. We have about 10 kids for the first few hours of my shift, and once school gets out, around 4-5 more join us. I have baby spit all over my shirt and my arms hurt from carrying around so many kids (one of my main jobs is to keep the little ones occupied while Debbie does chores and takes care of the older kids, so I end up carring around babies a lot) but it's worth it. I crashed for about an hour and a half on my couch when I got home and I should be writing a paper right now (after I woke up, I went to Wal-Mart with Sam, then saw Cate for about a half hour...oops) but I have until noon tomorrow to finish it, so I figure I'll just get up around 8-9 and spit out 3-4 pages.

Midterms are crazy this week, but I'm stoked for the weekend. I dont work, don't have a lot of stuff due next week, there's a football game, and hopefully I'll just have a ton of fun. No drama, just FUN.

I <3 Kids

So last week at work I asked to go home early, because I had a fever and felt like I was going to pass out. I have not missed a day of work since April. I have called in sick a couple times, but when they said I needed to be there, I showed up. But I could not stay this last Sunday. So finally my boss said I could go home, but he called me up into his office and told me if I ever called in sick again, he would not schedule me anymore. AKA I would not have a job. Because he felt, even though I was a great worker, and he liked me, he could not rely on me. I was unreliable. Because I'd been sick 2 out of the last 4 weeks. EVEN though I'd been showing up to work while I was sick. I am unreliable.

BULLSHIT. I actually started leaking some tears, which DID cause him to feel a little bad and he apoligized for "hurting my feelings" the next day.

This is the same guy who has been sheduling people who are going to school full time 25-35 hours a week when they don't want to work that much. Because he doesn't want to hire more people. And he now has a "no one can ever call in sick again ever" policy. Which is ridiculous.

So I asked my friend Rachel if she knew of any other places that were hiring, because even though I like my job at Safeway, I don't like it THAT much. And today I was hired at a daycare to work no more than 16 hours a week, granted for less money than I earned at Safeway, but I don't ever have to work weekends, or nights. (Nights are pretty much the only shifts avilable at Safeway, that and Sundays) And it's fun. I get to hang out with mostly 3-4 year olds, and few babies, help out with lunch, naptime, activities. And the woman who runs it is great.

Pretty much made my day. :) So I just wanted to share.

What's weird is Sam told me, when I first told him I was thinking about taking this job last week, he said, flat out "I think you'd hate that job, I don't think you should do it." When asked why I would hate it, because I think I'll love it, he just said "I just think you'll get tired of it really fast and it's not the kind of thing you like." Weird huh? I love kids. And today when we hung out (which was good, no drama, we had a lot of fun, unlike last Friday we hung out....he cried on my couch for an hour, which of course made me start crying...blah) he said "I was surprised you stuck it out at Safeway as long as you did. I didn't think you'd make it." Which is also a weird statement, because I never hated my job there, for the most part I liked/like working there. Part of quitting now is just that I have a better option, that I never had before. And I think it's time for a change. Change can be good.