Why? Why, why, why?
I was okay that Kelby hadn't called. I had accepted it. In fact, I didn't even want to call him, for it would just drag it on even longer, and I was okay with it being done.
Then on Friday I get a message on Facebook, not only apologizing for New Year's (not sure why) but also asking me when I could meet him next (this) week, because he was gone this weekend, and would be every other weekend for the rest of the semester (again, why do I need to know this, unless for some reason him being gone every other weekend would affect me, but for it to affect me, we'd have to be dating....ugh WHY?).
So I write him, letting him know when I was free Monday and Tuesday of this week, and told him to let me know what worked for him.
Nothing. No message back (but he's been on Facebook). No phone call. No email.
Damnit why? I was done. I was okay. Now it's not done and I am NOT okay with being ignored, especially when he was the one to ASK to see me.
I just want to get it over with, so I can move on. I doubt he wants to date. and when I first got the message, I thought, well at least he learned something from last time and is trying to make things right with us. But now he's just making things worse.
Showing posts with label Kelby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kelby. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Sitting Waiting Wishing
I play his hypthetical rejection in my head over and over, so it will be familiar the day it actually happens. Every day I do not hear from him tells me it is just like last time, and I was a fool to hope it would be different. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it. I've learned something each time with Kelby, and that is something I do not want to lose.
I wrote this the day after. I do not feel this angry, or this hurt, but I was feeling creative, which I haven't for a long time.
Intertwined inexplicably,
Ravished words spoken heartlessly
Float on a tidal of bitter alcohol.
Messes of body parts and clothes
Slide against each other as broken pieces of glass.
Drawing invisible cuts not to be seen until
The morning after. Each kiss, so soft
In memory, but to the eye,
Bruises are the only remnant
On a naked neck.
I wrote this the day after. I do not feel this angry, or this hurt, but I was feeling creative, which I haven't for a long time.
Intertwined inexplicably,
Ravished words spoken heartlessly
Float on a tidal of bitter alcohol.
Messes of body parts and clothes
Slide against each other as broken pieces of glass.
Drawing invisible cuts not to be seen until
The morning after. Each kiss, so soft
In memory, but to the eye,
Bruises are the only remnant
On a naked neck.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Friends, drinking and kissing
I don't know if I should feel stupid about last night or not. I think I'll have to wait and see what happens (or doesn't happen) in the future.
All in all, it was an amazing New Years. I not only got to party with my college friends, but with some of my best high school friends, at the same party. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. I hope everyone else did as well.
The night went really well, for me. I drank a lot, but not too much, I had fun, I danced, I was talking to Kelby as a friend, and it wasn't awkward, and it was the first time we'd hung out since the weekend before Halloween. The first thing he said to me is that he loved my hair. I swear his jaw dropped a little. It helped that I had had my hair done that morning, colored and cut.
Things between Cody and I seemed normal again too. I'm not sure if he still likes me, but we had a lot of fun, regardless, which was awesome. I didn't feel like I had to tiptoe around him. Hopefully things are still good between us today. I'm not sure how drunk he was, if he saw me and Kelby(getting to that part...) AND last I saw him he was hooking up hardcore with Jade, someone who is (technically) my friend I brought over, though I haven't talked to her for about a year and had no idea she was coming with George. It was good to see her, but it'll be interesting to see what happens between them.
So, Kelby. Kelby, Kelby, Kelby. I was over him, for the most part. Didn't check his facebook, didn't think about him much, though I admit, I was excited when I heard he was coming last night. He, apparently, had no idea I would be there and he told me it took him completely off guard. Obviously. Everyone was dancing and drinking, and we started dancing, and then we kissed. And IMMEDIATELY, I told him I would not and could not go through what we did before, I'm fine with having fun tonight, but in morning I would need to know what was going on. I was a relationship girl, and as much as I would love to hook up sometimes, no strings attached, it's just not how I'm wired. Which he said was a good thing.... And I told him I understand he's busy and doesn't want to date, so it's fine, but to just tell me. And you know what he said? "I could make time, for you." Among other things along those lines, like "Would you mind if I have to go back to Cottonwood (home for him) every other weekend to work?" He told me I'm busy too, and he told me how much he admires my grades and that I work and other amazing compliments.
We talked a lot, between kisses. About the Funk party, and the weekend he made me cry, and the first time we hooked up, and how much we'd missed each other. About how I was a virgin, and he wasn't, but that's not what he wanted. He definitely made it sound like he wanted a relationship. He was drunk, I was drunk, but like I've said, drunk Kelby is honest and not shy, which he admitted as well.
Then we made it back to my apartment. He stayed the night, and was completely affectionate all night, all morning, and it was....heaven. I couldnt sleep at all, I was thinking SO much. Every time I moved in bed, he moved with me, like he couldn't stand to not have his arms around me, even in his sleep.
Then he drove me back to my car. And it was weird, all of a sudden, saying goodbye. He drove back home today, to go back to work, and will be back for school in a week. He said he'd see/talk to me then, and kissed me, nicely, but nothing big, meaningful, or anything. I think I want to give him that week to think about things, and then it's ultimatum time. I will not go through this again, the not knowing, and the drunken confusion. I don't regret last night, and if that's all it is, then I think I'm okay with that. I just need to know, straight up, soon, if it's going anywhere. If not, I'll move on again.
All in all, it was an amazing New Years. I not only got to party with my college friends, but with some of my best high school friends, at the same party. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. I hope everyone else did as well.
The night went really well, for me. I drank a lot, but not too much, I had fun, I danced, I was talking to Kelby as a friend, and it wasn't awkward, and it was the first time we'd hung out since the weekend before Halloween. The first thing he said to me is that he loved my hair. I swear his jaw dropped a little. It helped that I had had my hair done that morning, colored and cut.
Things between Cody and I seemed normal again too. I'm not sure if he still likes me, but we had a lot of fun, regardless, which was awesome. I didn't feel like I had to tiptoe around him. Hopefully things are still good between us today. I'm not sure how drunk he was, if he saw me and Kelby(getting to that part...) AND last I saw him he was hooking up hardcore with Jade, someone who is (technically) my friend I brought over, though I haven't talked to her for about a year and had no idea she was coming with George. It was good to see her, but it'll be interesting to see what happens between them.
So, Kelby. Kelby, Kelby, Kelby. I was over him, for the most part. Didn't check his facebook, didn't think about him much, though I admit, I was excited when I heard he was coming last night. He, apparently, had no idea I would be there and he told me it took him completely off guard. Obviously. Everyone was dancing and drinking, and we started dancing, and then we kissed. And IMMEDIATELY, I told him I would not and could not go through what we did before, I'm fine with having fun tonight, but in morning I would need to know what was going on. I was a relationship girl, and as much as I would love to hook up sometimes, no strings attached, it's just not how I'm wired. Which he said was a good thing.... And I told him I understand he's busy and doesn't want to date, so it's fine, but to just tell me. And you know what he said? "I could make time, for you." Among other things along those lines, like "Would you mind if I have to go back to Cottonwood (home for him) every other weekend to work?" He told me I'm busy too, and he told me how much he admires my grades and that I work and other amazing compliments.
We talked a lot, between kisses. About the Funk party, and the weekend he made me cry, and the first time we hooked up, and how much we'd missed each other. About how I was a virgin, and he wasn't, but that's not what he wanted. He definitely made it sound like he wanted a relationship. He was drunk, I was drunk, but like I've said, drunk Kelby is honest and not shy, which he admitted as well.
Then we made it back to my apartment. He stayed the night, and was completely affectionate all night, all morning, and it was....heaven. I couldnt sleep at all, I was thinking SO much. Every time I moved in bed, he moved with me, like he couldn't stand to not have his arms around me, even in his sleep.
Then he drove me back to my car. And it was weird, all of a sudden, saying goodbye. He drove back home today, to go back to work, and will be back for school in a week. He said he'd see/talk to me then, and kissed me, nicely, but nothing big, meaningful, or anything. I think I want to give him that week to think about things, and then it's ultimatum time. I will not go through this again, the not knowing, and the drunken confusion. I don't regret last night, and if that's all it is, then I think I'm okay with that. I just need to know, straight up, soon, if it's going anywhere. If not, I'll move on again.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
It's raining on the inside.
I am worn out, worn thin, worn through. I feel hollow. Last night did me in.
I had an amazing Friday night, a little drinking, but not too much, lots of fun, laughs, craziness and friends. Kelby was there, but it wasn't a big deal; mostly like nothing had ever happened between us. Which I prefer, to being ignored, or having him walk on eggshells around me.
Saturday morning I did the farmer's market with Rachel and her sister Debbie, who flew in for the weekend, watched the homecoming parade and then got my hair done. (SO cute, more blonde and bangs!) then walked to their house to tailgate the game. Downed about 4 shots, and then had two more at the game. Drunk flirted with a friend the whole time and had a blast. Left at halftime, went home for a nap around 5 and then (hungover) drove back over to the house. Started drinking again around 8:30, Kelby was around, but we left to go to a party and he stayed behind. Party was lame, hit up about 3 different lame places befor just heading back to the house. Ian was having people over playing beer pong at our apartment, which I hate being around there for, so even though I wasn't drunk (only had one bottle of arbor mist) I was staying at Rachel's house. Even though the party scene was a bust, I'd had a great day and a really good night. Kelby was still there and had been drinking straight since noon and was absolutely trashed. He started hitting on Patti's friend Sam (who's engaged and getting married next month, but she was trashed too) and putting his arm around her and grabbing her hand, doing exactly what he did with me when he was drunk before. I couldn't handle it, but I had no where else to go. He then starts whispering to Patti, and she comes over and tells me he said to her "I'm sorry I broke Kristin's heart." I tell her he should tell me that to my face, start crying, because I'm just SO tired of it all and can't be strong anymore, and run downstairs. Which is VERY unlike me. Save the crying for the bathroom, then come out as if everythings fine, is my motto. Rachel calms me down, I go back upstairs and Katy takes Kelby and Sam to Winco, and Patti tells me he wants to talk to me when he gets back.
For awhile after he gets back we just ignore each other and I try to not look at him. Then, he comes over to me, puts his arm around my shoulders and tried to feed me a white chocolate covered pretzel. I immediately pulled his arm off me, and told him "Please don't." And try not to start crying again. A few minutes later he comes back, puts his arm around me again and asks if I have a minute and leads me outside.
Then we have the "talk." First he starts hugging me and saying he's sorry and I keep pulling away, but he keeps pulling me back, I don't hug him back but keep my arms crossed. There's no way he's getting off the hook. He asks me what I remember from last weekend, which isn't much and he tells me I forgot the most important part, but refuses to tell me what it is, and keeps trying to feed me more preztels and avoid the subject. FInally I just snap at him "Kelby, I'm sick of not knowing, be straight with me and tell me. I don't remember and it's freaking me out." He says we agreed to just be friends and not hook up anymore. Which I kinda figured that was what was said. Part of me wonders if there's more he didn't tell me though. We talk awhile longer about how he should have called and shouldn't have ignored me and just told me when he realized he didn't want to be in a relationship or hook up anymore and I told him "I can handle rejection. It's fine if you don't want to be with me, I just needed to know so I could move on." He explains how he's barely getting by with school and the Air Force and ASUI senate and everything and he can't handle a relationship and he's sorry for not telling me before. He says he realized it wasn't gonig anywhere with us, even though it's fun to have someone to kiss when you're drunk, and he wishes he were in a place in his life to be with someone, but he's not. He also said he's been with enough confused girls, and that maybe he was getting a taste of his own medicine, being the "confused boy" this time.
More was said, but that was most of the important stuff. A big part of me wishes we could have talked when he was sober, but I know he was being honest with me, drunk or not, and I probably got more truth out of him last night than I would have when he was sober. I realize I actually tend to prefer drunk Kelby better than sober Kelby, because he tends to close himself off when he's sober. I also realize that he's pretty down on himself and sees himsefl as a failure, and thinks he isn't doing enough, or well enough, even though he is, which is probably a big part of why he didn't call. He didn't know how to deal with it.
He stayed the night at their house too, and this morning, I couldn't tell if things were weird between us or he was just super hungover. I'm trying not to care. We agreed we were good last night and I'm just going to have to believe that and we proved Friday night we are capable of acting like friends, at least.
I'm glad I got to speak my mind to him. And be honest. and not pussy out and let him off the hook with one "I'm sorry." I feel relief at finally hearing his side. But sadness too, that it had to end up this way, full of drama and drunkeness and crying.It all could have been avoided so easily.
Next weekend will be better.
I had an amazing Friday night, a little drinking, but not too much, lots of fun, laughs, craziness and friends. Kelby was there, but it wasn't a big deal; mostly like nothing had ever happened between us. Which I prefer, to being ignored, or having him walk on eggshells around me.
Saturday morning I did the farmer's market with Rachel and her sister Debbie, who flew in for the weekend, watched the homecoming parade and then got my hair done. (SO cute, more blonde and bangs!) then walked to their house to tailgate the game. Downed about 4 shots, and then had two more at the game. Drunk flirted with a friend the whole time and had a blast. Left at halftime, went home for a nap around 5 and then (hungover) drove back over to the house. Started drinking again around 8:30, Kelby was around, but we left to go to a party and he stayed behind. Party was lame, hit up about 3 different lame places befor just heading back to the house. Ian was having people over playing beer pong at our apartment, which I hate being around there for, so even though I wasn't drunk (only had one bottle of arbor mist) I was staying at Rachel's house. Even though the party scene was a bust, I'd had a great day and a really good night. Kelby was still there and had been drinking straight since noon and was absolutely trashed. He started hitting on Patti's friend Sam (who's engaged and getting married next month, but she was trashed too) and putting his arm around her and grabbing her hand, doing exactly what he did with me when he was drunk before. I couldn't handle it, but I had no where else to go. He then starts whispering to Patti, and she comes over and tells me he said to her "I'm sorry I broke Kristin's heart." I tell her he should tell me that to my face, start crying, because I'm just SO tired of it all and can't be strong anymore, and run downstairs. Which is VERY unlike me. Save the crying for the bathroom, then come out as if everythings fine, is my motto. Rachel calms me down, I go back upstairs and Katy takes Kelby and Sam to Winco, and Patti tells me he wants to talk to me when he gets back.
For awhile after he gets back we just ignore each other and I try to not look at him. Then, he comes over to me, puts his arm around my shoulders and tried to feed me a white chocolate covered pretzel. I immediately pulled his arm off me, and told him "Please don't." And try not to start crying again. A few minutes later he comes back, puts his arm around me again and asks if I have a minute and leads me outside.
Then we have the "talk." First he starts hugging me and saying he's sorry and I keep pulling away, but he keeps pulling me back, I don't hug him back but keep my arms crossed. There's no way he's getting off the hook. He asks me what I remember from last weekend, which isn't much and he tells me I forgot the most important part, but refuses to tell me what it is, and keeps trying to feed me more preztels and avoid the subject. FInally I just snap at him "Kelby, I'm sick of not knowing, be straight with me and tell me. I don't remember and it's freaking me out." He says we agreed to just be friends and not hook up anymore. Which I kinda figured that was what was said. Part of me wonders if there's more he didn't tell me though. We talk awhile longer about how he should have called and shouldn't have ignored me and just told me when he realized he didn't want to be in a relationship or hook up anymore and I told him "I can handle rejection. It's fine if you don't want to be with me, I just needed to know so I could move on." He explains how he's barely getting by with school and the Air Force and ASUI senate and everything and he can't handle a relationship and he's sorry for not telling me before. He says he realized it wasn't gonig anywhere with us, even though it's fun to have someone to kiss when you're drunk, and he wishes he were in a place in his life to be with someone, but he's not. He also said he's been with enough confused girls, and that maybe he was getting a taste of his own medicine, being the "confused boy" this time.
More was said, but that was most of the important stuff. A big part of me wishes we could have talked when he was sober, but I know he was being honest with me, drunk or not, and I probably got more truth out of him last night than I would have when he was sober. I realize I actually tend to prefer drunk Kelby better than sober Kelby, because he tends to close himself off when he's sober. I also realize that he's pretty down on himself and sees himsefl as a failure, and thinks he isn't doing enough, or well enough, even though he is, which is probably a big part of why he didn't call. He didn't know how to deal with it.
He stayed the night at their house too, and this morning, I couldn't tell if things were weird between us or he was just super hungover. I'm trying not to care. We agreed we were good last night and I'm just going to have to believe that and we proved Friday night we are capable of acting like friends, at least.
I'm glad I got to speak my mind to him. And be honest. and not pussy out and let him off the hook with one "I'm sorry." I feel relief at finally hearing his side. But sadness too, that it had to end up this way, full of drama and drunkeness and crying.It all could have been avoided so easily.
Next weekend will be better.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Done, Done, Done
He isn't worth my time. Someone who can't find five minutes to return a phone call, or a text and say "Hey, we're cool." or to help me fill in the parts of the night I don't remember (which is freakin me out) is not someone I want to like. He should be a man and DEAL with me, and not ignore me. I just shouldn't like him.
So I'm working on stopping.
On a lighter, happier note, I started my new job today and I LOVE it. It's hard work, and exhausting, especially since I'm learning the routine. We have about 10 kids for the first few hours of my shift, and once school gets out, around 4-5 more join us. I have baby spit all over my shirt and my arms hurt from carrying around so many kids (one of my main jobs is to keep the little ones occupied while Debbie does chores and takes care of the older kids, so I end up carring around babies a lot) but it's worth it. I crashed for about an hour and a half on my couch when I got home and I should be writing a paper right now (after I woke up, I went to Wal-Mart with Sam, then saw Cate for about a half hour...oops) but I have until noon tomorrow to finish it, so I figure I'll just get up around 8-9 and spit out 3-4 pages.
Midterms are crazy this week, but I'm stoked for the weekend. I dont work, don't have a lot of stuff due next week, there's a football game, and hopefully I'll just have a ton of fun. No drama, just FUN.
So I'm working on stopping.
On a lighter, happier note, I started my new job today and I LOVE it. It's hard work, and exhausting, especially since I'm learning the routine. We have about 10 kids for the first few hours of my shift, and once school gets out, around 4-5 more join us. I have baby spit all over my shirt and my arms hurt from carrying around so many kids (one of my main jobs is to keep the little ones occupied while Debbie does chores and takes care of the older kids, so I end up carring around babies a lot) but it's worth it. I crashed for about an hour and a half on my couch when I got home and I should be writing a paper right now (after I woke up, I went to Wal-Mart with Sam, then saw Cate for about a half hour...oops) but I have until noon tomorrow to finish it, so I figure I'll just get up around 8-9 and spit out 3-4 pages.
Midterms are crazy this week, but I'm stoked for the weekend. I dont work, don't have a lot of stuff due next week, there's a football game, and hopefully I'll just have a ton of fun. No drama, just FUN.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Let me start off by saying, last night was amazing, horrible, enlightening, fun, riduculous and embarressing, all at the same time.
Funk Party: 70's attire/music and amazingness at my friends' house. My friends have the best ideas.
Kristin in a super hot outfit: Made Kelby's jaw drop
Kristin + 5 shots: Dancing, having a great time, lovin it
Kristin + 9 shots: Talking to Kelby (he's completely sober) and end up asking why he stopped calling. Was he not interested anymore? Response: I'm interested, but I don't want a relationship. He did apoligize for not returning my phone calls. I don't remember the whole conversation, I know I was hugging the wall so I wouldn't fall over, and ended up holding on to him and the room was spinning like mad. I kept putting my arm around him, like it belonged there, but it obviously didn't. Kept burying my head in his shoulder. Bless him, he didn't push me away, and kept talking to me. Even offered me a ride home, which I accepted, and thankfully didn't start puking till I was safely in my bathroom. Then I texted him (twice) which was quite an adventure on the floor of my room. Checked them this morning, and nothing was misspelled though. First: "I'm sorry about tonight. I really wanted to clear things up when I was sober guess I was just too scared." Second: "Can we talk sometime when I'll remember everything?" I think I'll see if he calls before Sunday night, and if he doesn't (he left for Boise today) I'll call him Sunday night. Say I'm sorry for Friday night, tell him I understand why he stopped calling and I wished he'd told me why to me instead of just ignoring me, but that we can definitely be friends, if he wants to.
I don't know if I've ever been that drunk before.
Funk Party: 70's attire/music and amazingness at my friends' house. My friends have the best ideas.
Kristin in a super hot outfit: Made Kelby's jaw drop
Kristin + 5 shots: Dancing, having a great time, lovin it
Kristin + 9 shots: Talking to Kelby (he's completely sober) and end up asking why he stopped calling. Was he not interested anymore? Response: I'm interested, but I don't want a relationship. He did apoligize for not returning my phone calls. I don't remember the whole conversation, I know I was hugging the wall so I wouldn't fall over, and ended up holding on to him and the room was spinning like mad. I kept putting my arm around him, like it belonged there, but it obviously didn't. Kept burying my head in his shoulder. Bless him, he didn't push me away, and kept talking to me. Even offered me a ride home, which I accepted, and thankfully didn't start puking till I was safely in my bathroom. Then I texted him (twice) which was quite an adventure on the floor of my room. Checked them this morning, and nothing was misspelled though. First: "I'm sorry about tonight. I really wanted to clear things up when I was sober guess I was just too scared." Second: "Can we talk sometime when I'll remember everything?" I think I'll see if he calls before Sunday night, and if he doesn't (he left for Boise today) I'll call him Sunday night. Say I'm sorry for Friday night, tell him I understand why he stopped calling and I wished he'd told me why to me instead of just ignoring me, but that we can definitely be friends, if he wants to.
I don't know if I've ever been that drunk before.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
I'm up to my ankles and drowning anyways.
Last night was just a little too much to handle. Starts off at Katy and Rachel and Patti and Sami's house, and Sam shows up and we start drinking a little. And it's just weird bewteen him and I. Usually we do pretty good, but there were some awkward moments and I just didn't want to deal with it. Then we head over to our friend's house on King st to party it up and Kelby shows up. mmm yay, both Sam and Kelby in one place. but Kelby doesn't show any interest all night, VERY platonic, didn't say goodbye, no hug. So I'm feeling pretty down and pissy and I'm PMSing and I have to work in the morning, so I can't get really drunk, even though I want to. Then my friend Cody, who I LOVE, and had thought maybe he liked me, but I have no feelings whatsoever for him, led me into his room, and said "I like you." I was speechless. I'm not really sure exactly what I stammered out, something along the lines of I don't know you extremely well, I LOVE hanging out with you, but I don't like you. Gave him a hug, and tried to pretend it didn't happen the rest of the night, so he didn't feel weird. Then we head back to Patti's house to sleep, and Kelby shows up and stays the night there too. Again, doesn't talk to me much, sleeps on the other couch, and I remember him getting up and going home about 4 am, and he said goodnight to me.
Half of me wants to call him and tell him I need to talk to him and just ASK what happened and why he lost interest, just so I know and don't feel so lost, so used and I can move on. Half of me is terrified of being vulnerable like that in front of him and I want him to think I'm just fine and don't care at all he just forgot about me.
I'm not cut out for this.
Half of me wants to call him and tell him I need to talk to him and just ASK what happened and why he lost interest, just so I know and don't feel so lost, so used and I can move on. Half of me is terrified of being vulnerable like that in front of him and I want him to think I'm just fine and don't care at all he just forgot about me.
I'm not cut out for this.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Burnt
I don't know what it is about today, but I feel like the world is crashing down. I couldn't pay attention in class, I feel absolutely slammed with school work, with Safeway (thank god that's almost over) and the only thing that keeps me going is my friends and recently, getting involved with Psi Chi (National Honors Psychology Society), which keeps me motivated to be involved with the community, and it's a TON of fun, with a lot of great/fun/excited people. Unlike NSCS (National Society of Collegiate Scholars) which I'm one of the officers of. We haven't done jack shit this year, even though Ive tried to get things going, and it doesn't look like we're ever going to do anything, seeing how only TWO members show up to our last general meeting, and only half of our officers were there.
School is just....I LOVE my classes. They're hard, they challenge me, they're interesting, but they keep me BUSY.and I'm only taking 13 credits (4 classes). Next semester I need to take at least 15 credits to stay on course to graduate on time, which will be 5-6 classes. Probably 3 Psych classes, an honors science course and a computer science course. those 5 classes add up to 14 credits. So I'll probably add some random 1 credit course.
I ran into Kelby today at lunch and he didn't say anything to me, nor I to him. The last time things seemed "good" with him, was the Friday of Night for Darfur, which was almost two weeks ago. It's like nothing ever happened between us. At least if he rejected me, told me it was over, I could deal, move on. But until that happens, I have this small tiny hope it's NOT over.
I've been trying to think about this other hot guy I know as much as possible, just to not think about Kelby. I don't expect anything to happen with this guy (Aaron) but I just need a distraction. He is beautiful though, as my friends Kelsey said, like an Abercrombie and Fitch model beautiful. He's also my drunk scrabble partner. We always lose....
Anyways, I'm sure things will get better, especially once I move on from stupid boy. and this weekend I get to see my mom, so I'll get a little pampering.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Attached
Oh yes, I've definitely become attached to Kelby. Pretty sure he's interested. Pretty sure he also has NO time whatsoever for a girlfriend or anythingclose to a girlfriend. Of course, I admire all his committments and the fact he's SO involved, and he's passionate about helping others and doing well in school and that he wants to be a doctor. But all these things I admire keep me from seeing him. Woe is me. Haha.
Meh, I'll live, and make do with what I can get. At least he's a good guy. And I don't need a relationship. So I guess it works out pretty well. But I DO miss kissing him....
Meh, I'll live, and make do with what I can get. At least he's a good guy. And I don't need a relationship. So I guess it works out pretty well. But I DO miss kissing him....
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